Friday, October 20, 2017

Day 20 - What is Your Happiness Style?

Which one of the following makes you most happy?

a.    Reading a book or listening to a podcast.
b.    Being productive in tasks at home, at the office, or in the yard.
c.    Inviting a friend over.
d.    Taking part in a leisurely activity, such as a walk at a beautiful park, playing a round of golf, or going for a swim.
e.    Doing whatever my family or friends prefer to do.

These are some of the questions to determine your Happiness Style found in Jennifer Dukes Lee’s book, The Happiness Dare. Lee says there are five happiness styles, five ways people primarily experience happiness. It doesn’t mean we are only one style. We can have a combination of several styles. But generally, we have one way we predominantly experience happiness. 

It makes sense; different things make different people happy. Some people get energized when they are having fun with a group of people. Some people need time alone to wind down and recharge in order to be happy. Some people are happiest accomplishing a huge task. Some people are happiest serving others.

We have many group events at our house. Most of them are a combination of church meetings, dinner, games and social activities. It is interesting in a group of 30 or more people what different personality types are drawn to do in that type of setting.

There are always people who are in a group laughing and telling funny stories.
There are people paired off in a corner having serious in-depth conversations.
There are one or two people who will start cleaning, stay late, wash the dishes, bag up the trash and wipe down the kitchen counters. (I LOVE these types of people!)
There was even one woman who sat alone and pulled out a book and started reading. (She only came to one such event.)

The five Happiness Styles are: the Doer, Relater, Experiencer, Giver and Thinker. Lee explains each style more in depth in her book.

The Doer is happiest in purposeful activity. They like to make lists, can juggle several tasks at once, are dependable and goal oriented. They are happiest when they are busy accomplishing something.

The Relater enjoys positive, meaningful relationships. They are inviters, includes, lovers and connectors. They are known for being friendly, kind and warmhearted.

The Experiencer loves adventure. They are curious, want to explore new activities, have a deep sense of wonder and love making memories.

The Giver finds great delight in helping, sharing and serving. They are happiest creating happiness for others. They are known for being thoughtful and selfless.

The Thinker enjoys contemplation, learning, pondering and dreaming. They are curious, notice details, and ask questions.

Do you see yourself in any of these styles?

Our immediate family of six has five extroverts who are a combination of the Doer, the Relater, the Experiencer and the Giver. We have one son who is not. He is graduating from high school this year and like all his siblings we wanted to throw a graduation party for him. When we told him he looked horified. Then I remembered he doesn’t like parties. He is the kid who said when he was little, “I don’t like new people.” He prefers to be with family or a few close friends. It would not bring him any joy to be the center of attention and have a party in his honor where he would be expected to talk to a lot of people. Since it is his graduation, we decided to do something he would enjoy and not have a party just because the rest of us would like it.

It is helpful to know what our Happiness Style is and that of our friends and family members. If you are unsure what yours is you can take the Happiness Style Assessment online at or pick up a copy of the book The Happiness Dare.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:13-14

   (This is part of a 31 day writing challenge, to write on the same topic everyday in October. This series is Joy in the Journey. To read others in this series, click here.)



  1. I LOVED this book! I evendid a worship talk series for staff worship at the school where I work based on the book :). My husband and I are Doer/Givers.

    1. It is a great book to base a talk on. I bet it was wonderful Anita!

  2. I am a Doer/Thinker most days. I love to contemplate and read. I am also a list and goal maker. I love to plan out my days in advance and always ask my husband for to-do-lists. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Sounds like that is exactly what you are. I scored as a Relater. Thanks for sharing Mary!