Day 25 - Marriage Doesn't Make You Happy

“Marriage doesn’t make you happy. You make your marriage happy.”

Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott

I was talking to a young woman recently who was telling me what went wrong with her relationship of the past two years. One of the first things she said was, “All my friends say he treats me badly.”

That was enough for me. “If everyone is telling you that, then you should run away from that guy.” I told her. She told me some of the rude, self-centered ways he treated her and my Mama Tiger kicked in. “You don’t need that guy. You need a guy who treats you great and thinks you are wonderful. You need a guy who pursues you and wants to be around you, someone who wants to listen to you and do things with you, someone you can have fun with and you don’t have to worry about walking on egg shells around him because he has anger issues. You need someone who is kind and cares about you.

 

She smiled like I was telling her a fairy tale. “I’ll never find a guy like that,” she said.

Then I gave my standard pre-marriage advice, “Don’t settle. Forever is a long time to be married and you want someone you love and who is head over heels in love with you and treats you like a princess.”

I couldn’t convince her. She shook her head not believing what I said was possible. And then she said something that broke my heart. “I would rather be in a bad relationship than alone.”

No! I couldn’t believe she said that! She was as cute as she could be with long sandy hair, half pulled up in a messy bun, skinny black pants, red blouse and cute pointy red flats. With her flawless skin and beautiful smile she could be a model. Her personality was kind, sweet and endearing. Any guy would love to be with her.

With only fifty percent of marriages making it, we have an obligation to encourage others that there are joyful marriages. It is our duty to instill hope in the next generation that a happy marriage is possible. It’s not a fairy tale. She went on to tell me both her sisters married men who treated them badly. They didn’t hit them but they weren’t nice to them. She said they grew up watching their Dad, who she said wasn’t a bad person, but her Mom almost divorced him because he had a porn addiction. All the guys she knew were like that.

I went off. “There are great guys out there. Don’t settle for someone who treats you badly just because you don’t want to be alone. I’ve been married 30 years to a guy who has loved me and treated me great. We enjoy being together and have fun together.  He is my best friend. He still looks at me like I am the best thing that ever happened to him, even when I am sometimes a hormonal emotional mess.” She smiled.  I kept going, “I’m serious, life is too short to be with a guy who doesn’t cherish you and want the best for you. Thirty years is a long time to be in a miserable marriage. Look for someone who thinks you are amazing and who brings you joy. It is the best going through life with an amazing person who you love and who loves you and treats you well.”

What could she say after that? I had more. I could have kept going, but I hope she got my point. I wanted her to know that marriage can be a beautiful thing with the right person. Marriage doesn't make us happy, but marrying someone who loves God and following His plan for marriage can bring great joy.

 

Today we've been married 31 years.

Happy Anniversary to the man who loves me,

sees the best in me and makes me feel special everyday!

(This is part of a 31 day writing challenge, to write on the same topic everyday in October. This series is Joy in the Journey. To read others in this series, click here.)

 Joyfully,