Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Day 25 - Marriage Doesn't Make You Happy


“Marriage doesn’t make you happy. You make your marriage happy.”
Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott

I was talking to a young woman recently who was telling me what went wrong with her relationship of the past two years. One of the first things she said was, “All my friends say he treats me badly.”

That was enough for me. “If everyone is telling you that, then you should run away from that guy.” I told her. She told me some of the rude, self-centered ways he treated her and my Mama Tiger kicked in. “You don’t need that guy. You need a guy who treats you great and thinks you are wonderful. You need a guy who pursues you and wants to be around you, someone who wants to listen to you and do things with you, someone you can have fun with and you don’t have to worry about walking on egg shells around him because he has anger issues. You need someone who is kind and cares about you.
 
She smiled like I was telling her a fairy tale. “I’ll never find a guy like that,” she said.

Then I gave my standard pre-marriage advice, “Don’t settle. Forever is a long time to be married and you want someone you love and who is head over heels in love with you and treats you like a princess.”

I couldn’t convince her. She shook her head not believing what I said was possible. And then she said something that broke my heart. “I would rather be in a bad relationship than alone.”

No! I couldn’t believe she said that! She was as cute as she could be with long sandy hair, half pulled up in a messy bun, skinny black pants, red blouse and cute pointy red flats. With her flawless skin and beautiful smile she could be a model. Her personality was kind, sweet and endearing. Any guy would love to be with her.

With only fifty percent of marriages making it, we have an obligation to encourage others that there are joyful marriages. It is our duty to instill hope in the next generation that a happy marriage is possible. It’s not a fairy tale. She went on to tell me both her sisters married men who treated them badly. They didn’t hit them but they weren’t nice to them. She said they grew up watching their Dad, who she said wasn’t a bad person, but her Mom almost divorced him because he had a porn addiction. All the guys she knew were like that.

I went off. “There are great guys out there. Don’t settle for someone who treats you badly just because you don’t want to be alone. I’ve been married 30 years to a guy who has loved me and treated me great. We enjoy being together and have fun together.  He is my best friend. He still looks at me like I am the best thing that ever happened to him, even when I am sometimes a hormonal emotional mess.” She smiled.  I kept going, “I’m serious, life is too short to be with a guy who doesn’t cherish you and want the best for you. Thirty years is a long time to be in a miserable marriage. Look for someone who thinks you are amazing and who brings you joy. It is the best going through life with an amazing person who you love and who loves you and treats you well.”

What could she say after that? I had more. I could have kept going, but I hope she got my point. I wanted her to know that marriage can be a beautiful thing with the right person. Marriage doesn't make us happy, but marrying someone who loves God and following His plan for marriage can bring great joy.
 
Today we've been married 31 years.

Happy Anniversary to the man who loves me,
sees the best in me and makes me feel special everyday!












(This is part of a 31 day writing challenge, to write on the same topic everyday in October. This series is Joy in the Journey. To read others in this series, click here.)


 Joyfully,
 

Monday, May 12, 2014

Keeping the Laughter in Marriage


Pseudobulbar = Uncontrollable Laughter
          At one of our favorite weddings, the young groom accidently said the funniest thing. Instead of promising to “love and laugh with” his bride, he said he would forever “love and laugh AT” his bride. The beautiful bride, without missing a beat, also promised to “love and laugh AT” her groom as well. Everyone cracked up at this memorable moment in the ceremony.   Although my hubby and I didn’t make that vow during our wedding ceremony, there were a few years where it came naturally.
          Being the mature people that we were, the first year we were married we argued about where to put the leftover pizza.  If the pizza sat out all night, I wanted to throw it away. Hubby thought it was still perfectly edible and did not want me to throw it away.  I finally gave in and left the pizza, still in the box, on the counter. While hubby was at work, and I was about to leave the house, I opened the box top. It looked like it had black olives all over it, but we had not ordered black olives. It was little black ants, thousands of them, covering the pizza! It was gross. So, I threw the whole box in the outside trashcan.
          Later, when I came home, the pizza box was back on the kitchen counter. I opened the box and the pizza was gone. Hubby came in and wanted to know why I had thrown away a perfectly good half of a pizza. He had retrieved it from the trashcan outside and eaten all of it.  I died laughing! It was both disgusting and hysterical at the same time.

          A few years later, Hubby was running through the house (!?), and tripped on some newspapers on the floor. I was sitting on the bed as he raced by, slipped on the newspapers and skidded across the floor, crashing. I died laughing! I am not sure why. It wasn’t funny. He was hurt, but I could not help myself. I laid down on the bed and pulled the covers over me, so he wouldn’t hear me laughing. Apparently, he could see the covers shaking up and down and knew I was laughing. He did not think it was funny, as he ended up getting a rug burn that peeled off his skin, and twenty years later still has the scar to prove it. The madder he got at me for laughing, the more uncontrollably I laughed.
          During this same time period, he went on our two-story roof to replace some window shutters on the second floor. The wind was blowing and one of the replacement shutters was sliding down the slanted roof. He reached his foot over to step on the sliding shutter. Instead of stopping it, he slid on the shutter, like a snowboarder and flew off the roof, landing on his back in our front yard. I fell on the floor laughing! It was so funny! Thankfully, he wasn’t hurt.
          Another time, he fell off the roof when he was on our cheap aluminum ladder. He and the ladder ended up in some bushes, with the ladder permanently mangled. I had to go in the kitchen so I could laugh, without him hearing me. But, he had seen me and knew I was laughing. He could not believe it. “I could have been seriously injured!” he yelled to me. “I know. I am sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. I can’t help it,” was all I could manage to get out between fits of laughter.
          At another house, we had carpet (possibly the slipperiest carpet ever, so I’ve been told) on the stairs, but hard ceramic tile at the bottom of the stairs. Several times he slipped and fell on the stairs. Then he would yell, “Don’t laugh. It’s not funny!” The more he said that, the funnier it was to me, and the more I laughed.
          The worst one was when he slipped on the first step at the top and tumbled all the way down, crashing on the tile at the bottom. I had heard him bump, bang and crash against the wall. I knew he was badly hurt. I lost it! – (I have to stop here and apologize. I am normally a compassionate person. I don’t usually laugh when bad things happen to people. I think I seriously had that disorder called pseudobulbar, where I could not control my laughing.)
          Our daughter, who was upstairs with me, heard all the commotion, and ran out to the hallway. Between, bursts of howling laughter, I told her Dad had fallen down the stairs and she needed to go check on him. She was about ten years old and looked at me indignantly, “Mom! Stop laughing. Dad is really hurt.”

          Tears were streaming down my face as I ran to my room, shut the door, ran into the tiny bathroom and shut that door, hoping he wouldn’t hear my obnoxious snorting and side splitting cackling! What was wrong with me? I could hear him moaning and complaining and still saying loudly, “Stop laughing!” What was I, a three year old who had no control over my emotions?! The more he said stop laughing, the more uncontrollable it was. I finally tried to pinch myself and bite my lip, hoping to invoke some type of pain in myself to stop laughing. It was terrible! And, really, really funny!
          Thankfully, in the last twenty years hubby has become more sure footed.  I have also finally matured enough to use self control and show genuine concern without giggling when something funny, someone has an accident.
                                 I hope you are keeping the laughter in your marriage. 
                                      Laughing together that is, not AT one another.


           Need more laughter? Click  here funny 1 or  here funny 2 or even  here funny 3 .
                                 Laugh on!