Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Pride is Never Pretty

Welcome back to Day 22 of Our Adoption Adventure!
Thank you to everyone who has been following along. I appreciate you reading and your encouraging comments.
If you missed the beginning, you can click here to catch up.

         We could not bolt out of that hospital room fast enough. The interrogation was brutal. The worst part was we didn’t feel we could defend ourselves. Emma had not signed any adoption papers yet, and we didn’t want to do or say anything that might jeopardize that. We stood in the front of the room and took the questions and rude comments. We felt vulnerable and exposed as the crowd played judge and jury. Emma’s mom acted as the prosecutor asking rapid-fire questions and then leading the laughter when we hesitated or stumbled on our words.
         When we finally made it back to the hotel we collapsed on the bed. Emotionally and physically drained, we were not sure what happened back in Emma’s hospital room. Who were all those people and why did they feel compelled to berate us like that? Emma had not tried to stop them. The sweet connection we had with her vanished as she sat silent in the room.
         Later, my ugly pride swelled up and I thought of all things I wanted to say to them:
“Who did they think they were questioning our parenting? We already raised our two other children from babies. We had been parenting for ten years. We owned a successful business and lived in a large house. Who else in that room could take the babies on vacations to Hawaii and pay for private school?”
         Immediately I was convicted of my arrogance and self-righteousness. Wasn’t I the same way with God? I wanted to show Him all my worthy accomplishments and my list of spiritual achievements so He would accept me and love me. In the same way that our experience did not matter one bit to the people in that hospital room, my spiritual accomplishments did not impress God either.
         Thankfully, He has already accepted me just as I am, prideful, self-righteous thoughts and all. There is nothing else I can do to make Him love me more. He already loved me enough to send His son to die on the cross for my sins. What did I need to know He loved and accepted me?
         Although my husband and I stood by ourselves against the crowd, we were never alone. God was with us giving us His peace and calm. He gave us the ability to hold our tongue and not jab back at the mocking comments. He gave us endurance to stand for over an hour listening to the snide remarks. We trusted Him so we didn’t need to defend ourselves.
         We also appreciated our friends during this time. While we were at the hospital we called home to update our friends and family. We belonged to a large church and couldn’t believe the number of people who were praying for us. One of the Pastors offered to drive the long distance to sit with us at the hospital. It was a spiritual battle and we were glad to know we had friends praying us.  We knew our friends and family loved us and they knew the journey we were on. It was wonderful to be able to call and hear a familiar voice willing to encourage and listen to us on the other end.
         The nurses at the hospital were also for us. From the minute we arrived at the hospital they were helpful, supportive and treated us as the parent of the babies. They didn’t need to, but they kept us informed on everything that happened regarding the babies and the family.
         The next morning we packed up our bags and checked out of the hotel. We were counting on going home that day and did not want to spend another night in that town. We drove to the hospital not knowing what the day held. Maybe the day before was all a bad dream.
We knew God’s mercy was new every morning and we prayed we would be able to take the babies home that day.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23

What about you?  Have you ever been in a situation that squeezed you and showed you the ugliness of your own heart?  Thankfully God’s mercy is new every morning.

*** Join me here tomorrow for Day 23. ***

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