Saturday, October 4, 2014

A Crack Baby?

(This is Day 4 of  31 Days of Our Adoption Adventure, and Part 2 of yesterday's story. Click here to read the beginning of Meeting the Birth MotherClick here to start with Day 1.)      

            After a few months, the director found out Tina was using crack cocaine. We could only imagine how she was getting it. She had no money or job, and was living at a house provided by the adoption agency. During our time together she talked about her last job, which was a dancer at a strip club, and how she would go back to that after the baby was born. I told her God loved her and had a much better plan for her life than to go back to dancing. She listened but did not have much to say to that.
            After multiple attempts to get her into a rehab facility, and trying different ways to help her to stop using the drug, Mrs. C said we should use ‘tough love’ on her. We would only pay for her expenses, which were now a hotel room and food, if she passed a drug test. I was to take her for drug testing every few days and as long as she was clean, we would continue to pay.  In addition, she said if we were going to continue with the adoption we should be prepared for a crack addicted baby at birth. I called Tina to take her for drug testing and she would tell me she could not go that day because she would not pass the drug test. She said to call her in three days.  The next time I called her she said the same thing. She never did go for drug testing and continued to use crack cocaine throughout her pregnancy.
            What were we supposed to do? We agonized over the decision to stay with Tina or to walk away. We prayed and asked God what we should do. Did He want us to stay with her and adopt a drug addicted baby? I went to a class at the hospital that explained what it was like and how we would need to treat a drug addicted baby. The information was difficult to listen to. The prognosis for babies like this was bleak. Drug addicted babies go through withdrawals after birth. They cry continuously. Many are born with physical, emotional and mental problems. They need a quiet, dark room for months after birth and would require different types of therapies, possibly throughout their life.
            The director thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to the woman who adopted Tina’s first child ten years before. I called her and she painted a harsh picture of how tough it had been raising a crack addicted baby. The mental and emotional disabilities were extreme in her daughter and difficult for them to address. She took her daughter to doctor after doctor trying to get help for her. Every year had been tough. This caused many problems for the couple. The woman said her husband eventually left her because he could not take the stress that their child brought to their marriage. I took copious notes, all the while my heart went out to this poor woman. Having a child had not been anything like she  dreamed it would be. Lord, is this what you have for us? I could not imagine a life like that.
            Above everything, we wanted to do what the Lord wanted us to do. If this was the baby He had for us, then we believed He would equip us to raise the child. We continued to try and get Tina help for her addiction. She continued to evade us and make excuses for her addiction, and kept ingesting the poison into herself and into the baby she was carrying, our baby.
            We prayed daily for wisdom that God would show us what we should do. We knew He would give us the strength to do it, but it seemed overwhelming. A Bible verse I clung to during this time was:
                Deuteronomy 31:16  “Be strong and courageous. Do   not be afraid or panic. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you or abandon you.”                                                                                                                                              
            After agonizing about what to, I gave it all to the Lord. I told Him I didn’t know if this was the child He had for us. He brought us to Tina, so as long as she stayed with us, we would believe this was the baby He wanted us to adopt. It was a difficult decision. That week, after helping Tina for five months, she convinced her parents to buy her a ticket and she flew to Chicago. She was gone just like that. We found out later she answered an ad in the newspaper from a couple that would pay $3500 to adopt her child. She delivered a baby boy.
            I was an emotional wreck after this. I invested much of my time, energy and emotions and a great deal of money trying to help Tina, believing she was carrying the child God had for us. I was both relieved and sad.
            Mrs C. and the adoption agency felt bad for us, especially since we were out so much money and did not end up with a baby. The agency received donations for cases like this and they were able to repay most of what we spent, which was a blessing.
            The lack of emotional drama was a welcome relief. We were glad for our lives to settle back to our normal pace.  We were not sure what to do next.
            Three months later we received our second call about a birth mother wanting to meet us.

***What would you have done? I would love to hear if you have had a similar experience.** 
 Click here to read  Day 5. 


  1. I'm not sure what I would've done but I know that God will guide me through anything.

  2. We would have done what y'all long as the door was open we'd have kept walking until God closed it. Our youngest son was a drug/alcohol baby. He was 3 when he came home so we didn't deal with the day to day withdrawls, but we did have to help him through the anger he had...once he forgave birthmom, he became a different child! We have had failed adoptions, all pretty early in the process, I see those as opportunities to pray for those children when God brings them to mind. With some, it's quite often.

  3. You have been through it too then. It was so hard to know what to do during that time. Thankfully God was in control and led us each step of the way.