Moved By Faith, Not By Sight

 (This is Day 5 in 31 days of Our Adoption Adventure. To start at the beginning, click here.)
          
            After our disappointing experience with Tina, our first birth mother, we wondered if we had really heard God. Maybe we missed what He was saying. Maybe this was all He wanted, for us to walk with Tina and try to help her for five months. Months before we believed we heard from God, that He wanted us to adopt two more children, but when Tina left us before her delivery, we weren’t sure what to think.

            There is a great song by Greg Ferguson called Sweet Morning Light/This Pathway  that has been so meaningful to me, especially when trying to find God’s will.

Here are the lyrics: 

I will trust through the darkest night, 
what I knew to be true when I last saw daylight.

Moved by faith, not by sight,
till at last I see you what you promised to me.

On the distant horizon, the first sign of sweet morning light.

Lord, this pathway may not be easy,
but it’s where I’m meant to be.  
 In your presence You will find me
as my mind is stayed on thee.

I will follow through the canyons,
over mountains, across the seas. 
 You will find me in Your footsteps
till at last I’m home and free.

Lord, don’t let me be dissuaded 
 from your holy work in me, 
till I reach your destination 
 and I’m finally home and free.

                                                                       

            We wanted to know God’s will for us regarding adopting more children. Had we heard correctly? It didn’t seem like it was going to happen. It had not happened with the birth mother that chose us.

            We prayed. We trusted that what we had heard ‘in the daylight’ was true. As believers we know we are called to the life of Abraham ‘moved by faith, not by sight.’ Just because we could not see it happening, did not mean it was not going to happen.

 If you are going through something that you know God has called you to, but it is not happening right now, press on. Keep going. ‘Don’t be dissuaded from the holy work He is doing in you. Trust that what you knew to be true in the daylight, is still true in the darkest night.’

'I will follow through the canyons, over mountains, across the sea . . .'

*** Click here to read Day 6. ***

A Crack Baby?

(This is Day 4 of  31 Days of Our Adoption Adventure, and Part 2 of yesterday's story. Click here to read the beginning of Meeting the Birth Mother.  Click here to start with Day 1.)      

            After a few months, the director found out Tina was using crack cocaine. We could only imagine how she was getting it. She had no money or job, and was living at a house provided by the adoption agency. During our time together she talked about her last job, which was a dancer at a strip club, and how she would go back to that after the baby was born. I told her God loved her and had a much better plan for her life than to go back to dancing. She listened but did not have much to say to that.

            After multiple attempts to get her into a rehab facility, and trying different ways to help her to stop using the drug, Mrs. C said we should use ‘tough love’ on her. We would only pay for her expenses, which were now a hotel room and food, if she passed a drug test. I was to take her for drug testing every few days and as long as she was clean, we would continue to pay.  In addition, she said if we were going to continue with the adoption we should be prepared for a crack addicted baby at birth. I called Tina to take her for drug testing and she would tell me she could not go that day because she would not pass the drug test. She said to call her in three days.  The next time I called her she said the same thing. She never did go for drug testing and continued to use crack cocaine throughout her pregnancy.

            What were we supposed to do? We agonized over the decision to stay with Tina or to walk away. We prayed and asked God what we should do. Did He want us to stay with her and adopt a drug addicted baby? I went to a class at the hospital that explained what it was like and how we would need to treat a drug addicted baby. The information was difficult to listen to. The prognosis for babies like this was bleak. Drug addicted babies go through withdrawals after birth. They cry continuously. Many are born with physical, emotional and mental problems. They need a quiet, dark room for months after birth and would require different types of therapies, possibly throughout their life.

            The director thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to the woman who adopted Tina’s first child ten years before. I called her and she painted a harsh picture of how tough it had been raising a crack addicted baby. The mental and emotional disabilities were extreme in her daughter and difficult for them to address. She took her daughter to doctor after doctor trying to get help for her. Every year had been tough. This caused many problems for the couple. The woman said her husband eventually left her because he could not take the stress that their child brought to their marriage. I took copious notes, all the while my heart went out to this poor woman. Having a child had not been anything like she  dreamed it would be. Lord, is this what you have for us? I could not imagine a life like that.

            Above everything, we wanted to do what the Lord wanted us to do. If this was the baby He had for us, then we believed He would equip us to raise the child. We continued to try and get Tina help for her addiction. She continued to evade us and make excuses for her addiction, and kept ingesting the poison into herself and into the baby she was carrying, our baby.

            We prayed daily for wisdom that God would show us what we should do. We knew He would give us the strength to do it, but it seemed overwhelming. A Bible verse I clung to during this time was:

                Deuteronomy 31:16  “Be strong and courageous. Do   not be afraid or panic. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you or abandon you.”                                                                                                                                              

           

            After agonizing about what to, I gave it all to the Lord. I told Him I didn’t know if this was the child He had for us. He brought us to Tina, so as long as she stayed with us, we would believe this was the baby He wanted us to adopt. It was a difficult decision. That week, after helping Tina for five months, she convinced her parents to buy her a ticket and she flew to Chicago. She was gone just like that. We found out later she answered an ad in the newspaper from a couple that would pay $3500 to adopt her child. She delivered a baby boy.

            I was an emotional wreck after this. I invested much of my time, energy and emotions and a great deal of money trying to help Tina, believing she was carrying the child God had for us. I was both relieved and sad.

            Mrs C. and the adoption agency felt bad for us, especially since we were out so much money and did not end up with a baby. The agency received donations for cases like this and they were able to repay most of what we spent, which was a blessing.

            The lack of emotional drama was a welcome relief. We were glad for our lives to settle back to our normal pace.  We were not sure what to do next.

            Three months later we received our second call about a birth mother wanting to meet us.

***What would you have done? I would love to hear if you have had a similar experience.** 
  
 Click here to read  Day 5. 

Meeting the Birth Mother

(This is Day 3 of Our Adoption Adventure. If you missed the first part, click here.) 
        

            “There is something I need to let you know before you meet her. She has a disorder called trichotillomania, where she pulled out all of her eyebrows and they never grew back. So, don’t be alarmed when you see she has these large drawn on eyebrows.” Mrs C., the adoption director, told us as she welcomed us into her office.

            We were meeting the birth mother for the first time. We didn’t expect to receive a call only six weeks after our paperwork was complete, but here we were. We were nervous and glad Mrs. C. was there to make the introductions and lead the meeting.

            We walked in to meet Tina*, the birth mother who chose us after seeing our family photo album.  I don’t know what we expected. Tina was about 5’7” and thin, with long, disheveled dirty blond hair and pale skin. She showed no signs of being pregnant. Dark circles under her eyes made her face looked tired. I tried not to stare at her thinly drawn on eyebrows. She moved around nervously, sniffing and touching her nose repeatedly as if she had allergies.

            The conversation was awkward at first, but then she started talking. She was bold, matter of fact and had a roughness to her. Her gravelly voice made her sound like a heavy smoker. Mrs C. told us Tina placed a baby for adoption when she was in high school. That child was ten years old now. This made Tina 27 years old, which was surprising. She looked and acted about 19, except for her face, which was hard and made her look older.

            She told us the birth father was a guy she met at a bar. He wouldn’t have any problem signing adoption papers. She had a four-year-old daughter named Lexus, because that was Tina’s favorite car. She mostly talked about herself and even though she didn’t ask us any questions, she seemed fine with us. As we were leaving, I was talking about details with Mrs. C, when Tina asked my husband if we would take twins. He said yes, we would. He asked why she thought she was carrying twins, since she had not been to a doctor yet. She told him she had seven abortions and one time they told her it was twins. She said she felt like she did that time when she was carrying twins. We were shocked that she had seven abortions. Between those, the first child she placed for adoption, the daughter she was raising and the baby we were going to adopt, that was a lot of pregnancies.

            Over the next five months I spent time with Tina several days a week. I bought food and toiletries for her, took her to get social services, called and got her health insurance, picked a doctor for her and drove her to her appointments. During the first appointment I sat in the exam room with her. At one point the nurse asked me if Tina was my daughter. How old do I look? I wondered. Tina was 27 and I was 33. The doctor came in and talked to us. He asked Tina how she knew she was pregnant. She said because she started craving popcorn. The doctor rolled his eyes and looked at me skeptically. He didn’t think she was really pregnant. Who plans their life around craving popcorn? My heart sank. We waited a month for this appointment and now she might not be pregnant at all. I couldn’t believe this. As gently as he could, the doctor explained to her that a craving for popcorn did not qualify as valid evidence that she was pregnant. Tina insisted she knew her body and she knew when she was pregnant and she was definitely pregnant now.

            The doctor left and came back with the pregnancy test results. She was indeed, pregnant. After an exam he determined she was in the early stages, possibly six weeks pregnant. This put her at only two weeks pregnant when we first met her.

            After a few months, the director found out Tina was using crack cocaine.


(Click here for Part 2 on Day 4 of 31 Days of Our Adoption Adventure.)



*The names have been changed.
 

Baby Steps

           We believed God wanted us to adopt. We had no idea what to do next. We had no idea what kind of adventure we would be going on. We didn’t know who to turn to. So, we turned to the One who gave us the idea. We didn’t know what to do, but we did know how to pray. As only He would have it, one of our neighbors opened a Christian adoption agency out of her house. Our first baby step was to call her.

            She explained the procedure and was encouraging and positive the whole time.
First, there was a myriad of paperwork to fill out.

    *Fingerprinting            *Background checks                 *Insurance            *Medical history

*Taxes                        *Income             *Job history                  *Current family members           

    *Family of origin            *Our beliefs                       *Hobbies            *Discipline philosophy

*Our house               *Pets                   *Alcohol and drug use            *Our health

             A Social Worker came to our house and interviewed all four of us. He also looked around and wrote a detailed report about our family and our house. On one hand it felt intrusive, as if they were judging or grading us. On the other hand, I was glad for all adoptive children that there was such a thorough investigation before placing children in families.

            She explained that we were not buying children, in fact that is illegal. What we were doing was creating a family. No money was to go directly to the birth mother. But, there were expenses. All monies would go through the adoption agency, and some of that went toward taking care of the birth mothers, whether that meant providing a place for them to live, food, clothing or medical expenses.

            After all the paperwork was complete, the background checks were done and the pre-placement study was filed, we put together a photo album telling birth mothers about ourselves.
Birth mothers would then look through couple’s albums and decide who they wanted to meet to talk about placing their child with. Again, it felt a bit like a contest or being put on display.
           
What if our album was never chosen? What if birth mothers didn’t want families who had other children? We could drive ourselves crazy with all the ‘what ifs?’ We continually went back to God and gave our worries to Him. We knew there was nothing we could do and that He was in control.

We made an album with cute photos of our kids and our family having fun on vacation.

          We wrote a letter to the potential birth mom telling her why we wanted to adopt. I was torn because it felt selfish. There were a dozen other couple’s albums waiting to be chosen also. Everyone who wants children should have the opportunity to have them. We already had two sweet kiddos, maybe we were being selfish to want to adopt two more. I prayed for the other couples that everyone who had been waiting would be chosen to adopt.

           "Lord, you know just the right parents for each of these sweet little ones. You care about the parents and the children equally. Work all these things out for good."

            This is where trust came it. We trusted God had a plan. We trusted he had just the right child or children for our family.

            “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He is the One who will keep you on track.”             Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

            We were told it could take up to two years before we would have a child. Imagine our surprise when six weeks after our paper work was complete we got our first call!

**Come back tomorrow or bookmark this to hear about meeting our first birth mother.**

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Our Adoption Adventure. If you missed Day 1, click here.

Why We Adopted

            I stood on a table, arms stretched up hanging curtains. My husband came in and sat down in the chair next to the table I was on. His face was serious and I could tell he was concerned about something. He said he felt like the Lord had been telling him something for a year, but he was afraid to tell me because he didn’t want me to ‘freak out.’  Don’t freak out. Whatever he says don’t freak out, I told myself.

            He said every time he read his Bible, listened to a sermon or a Bible teaching tape he felt the Lord saying we should adopt two more children. I stepped back in shock, not sure I had heard correctly. With arms still up in the air I wobbled the table and almost fell off backwards. “What?” I asked.  He repeated his words as I climbed off the table, giving him my full attention now.

            We never talked about adoption. God already blessed us with a girl and a boy, and I had to have a hysterectomy after our son was born. We thought our family was complete. Although, I always dreamed of having four children, after the hysterectomy I gave up that dream.

            My heart raced with excitement. Two more children? I was thrilled beyond words, ready to fly to the nearest orphanage and bring more children home. Calm down. Don’t freak out. I kept repeating in my mind.

            Wanting to be one hundred percent sure he had heard the Lord correctly, we agreed to pray about it for thirty days. We prayed. We discussed. We talked to our kids about the possibility and they were excited. We felt confirmation that this was what He wanted us to do.

            As only God can do, He was already working out the circumstances and the timing of what would happen next. One of our neighbors recently opened a Christian adoption agency. She came over and told us all the steps involved in the adoption process, and there was plenty to do. First, there was a home study that needed to be done. We had to have physicals to prove we were healthy. We had to show copies of our taxes to prove our income. A social worker came and interviewed each member of our family. There were files of paperwork to complete.

            We were excited and nervous. We did not know what we were getting into, only the strong impression that God was leading us to adopt two more children.

            We turned to the Bible. What did the Bible say about adoption? We were surprised to find the concept and practice of adoption throughout the Bible.

            Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter.   (Exodus 2)

            Rachel, Jacob’s wife, adopted her maidservant’s son, Dan.  (Genesis 30:6,7)

            Ruth was adopted by her mother in law, Naomi.  (Ruth 3:16-18)

            Esther was adopted by her uncle.  (Esther 2:7)

            Jesus was adopted by his earthly father, Joseph.  (Matthew 13:55)

            And most importantly, we, as Believers, have been adopted.

          

            Ephesians 1:5 says: 

“God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing 
us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, 
and it gave Him great pleasure.”

  Adoption is a miraculous event. Join me here each day in October for the roller coaster ride of  ups and downs and loop de loops of heartache, love and  blessing in

                                                            Our Adoption Adventure.